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task #16348: Review new Chinese translation of GNU FDL

Submitter:  Wensheng XIE <wxie>
Submitted:  Sat 04 Mar 2023 12:50:50 PM UTC
   
 
Category:  None Should Start On:  Fri 03 Mar 2023 04:00:00 PM UTC
Should be Finished on:  Thu 18 May 2023 04:00:00 PM UTC Priority:  5 - Normal
Status:  Done Privacy:  Public
Assigned to:  None Percent Complete:  100%
Open/Closed:  Closed Effort:  10.00

Mon 17 Jul 2023 11:26:42 PM UTC, comment #4: 

Thank you, Hagb.
As per email communication with the author/translator, the review is implemented in the translation of GNU FDL.

The job is done.
wxie

Wensheng XIE <wxie>
Group administrator
Wed 26 Apr 2023 01:12:26 PM UTC, comment #3: 

Thank you, hagb.

The work is fantastic. I will contact the original translator and have his/her opinion.

Wensheng XIE <wxie>
Group administrator
Wed 19 Apr 2023 06:14:45 PM UTC, comment #2: 

Hi, wxie:

抱歉,因为最近较忙,所以时间延了点。

我已全文审校完毕。我个人认为,新的译文比起旧的译文在准确性、流畅度上都有较大的改善,措辞也更符合汉语习惯。

不过我不是很了解法律文本及其翻译的特点,以下建议仅供参考。

1.

> The purpose of this License is to make a manual, textbook, or other functional and useful document "free" in the sense of freedom: to assure everyone the effective freedom to copy and redistribute it, with or without modifying it, either commercially or noncommercially. Secondarily, this License preserves for the author and publisher a way to get credit for their work, while not being considered responsible for modifications made by others.
> 本许可证的目的在于将“自由”赋予至一份手册、教科书或其他具有功能性和实用性的文档之中:确保每个人都有 实效 的自由来对其进行复制和再分发,无论修改与否,也无论商业使用与否。其次,本许可证为作者和出版商留出途径,使之可以享有其作品带来的名誉,同时避免为他方所作修改承担责任。

此处“实效”在中文中为名词,似乎改成一个形容词(如“有效”)会更通顺?

2.

> This License is a kind of "copyleft", which means that derivative works of the document must themselves be free in the same sense. It complements the GNU General Public License, which is a copyleft license designed for free software.
> 本许可证是一种 “copyleft” 许可证,换言之,本文档的衍生作品必须 拥有同等的自由。本许可证补足了 GNU 通用公共许可证,后者是一份为自由软件设计的许可证。

我认为此处的意思作品赋予(用户)自由而非作品本身拥有自由(之后一处谈及作品的自由的地方有 "providing the same freedoms" 的表述),或者使用成类似“作品必须是同等自由的”的译文就可以避开对原文“be free”的诠释同时保留原义。
原文描述 GPL 时也提到了它是一个 copyleft 许可证,建议译文此处也加上 copyleft。

3.

> We have designed this License in order to use it for manuals for free software, because free software needs free documentation: a free program should come with manuals providing the same freedoms that the software does. But this License is not limited to software manuals; it can be used for any textual work, regardless of subject matter or whether it is published as a printed book. We recommend this License principally for works whose purpose is instruction or reference.
> 我们设计了本许可证,是为了将其用于自由软件的手册之上,因为自由软件需要自由文档:一个自由的程序附带的手册应该与该软件 拥有同样的自由。但是,本许可证不仅限于用在软件手册之上;它还可用于任何文字作品,无论其主题为何,也无论其是否出版为印刷书籍。我们 尤其 建议将本许可证用于提供使用说明或提供参考信息的作品之中。

(同上一条)此处 “providing the same freedoms” 建议翻译为“提供同样的自由”(或类似含义)。此外,“principally” 可能是修饰后面的 “for” 而非前面的“recommend”。

4.

> The "publisher" means any person or entity that distributes copies of the Document to the public.
> “出版商” 指将本文档分发至公众的任何个人或实体。

中文“出版商”的原义似乎是比“将文档分发至公众的任何个人或实体”要窄。虽然在这里对“出版商”一词重新做了定义,但还是建议使用更接近“将本文档分发至公众的任何个人或实体”含义的词(比如“发行者”?不过感觉也不是太符合这意思),以减小不细心的读者产生误解的概率。


5.

> A section "Entitled XYZ" means a named subunit of the Document whose title either is precisely XYZ or contains XYZ in parentheses following text that translates XYZ in another language. (Here XYZ stands for a specific section name mentioned below, such as "Acknowledgements", "Dedications", "Endorsements", or "History".) To "Preserve the Title" of such a section when you modify the Document means that it remains a section "Entitled XYZ" according to this definition.
> “标题为某某”的章节,指本文档的一个具有名称的子单元,其标题既可以是恰好为某某,也可以是将某某包在括号中并紧接在翻译成了另一门语言的某某之后。(此处的某某,代表下文提到的特定章节名称,例如“鸣谢”、“致献”、“背书”或“历史”。)在修改本文档时,对此类章节进行“保留标题”,指该章节仍符合此处规定的“标题为某某”的章节的定义。

此处(以及此文其它地方涉及这四种章节的标题的表述)是否需要给出“鸣谢”、“致献”、“背书”或“历史”的英文原文?许可证中的“translates XYZ in another language”是针对从英语为原语言翻译到其他语言而说的,如果我没有理解错的话,符合许可证定义的中文文档的历史章节标题应该是“历史(History)”这样子,译文中是否需要体现出要求使用的“History”是英文原文(而是中文的“历史”)这一点?

6.

> The Document may include Warranty Disclaimers next to the notice which states that this License applies to the Document. These Warranty Disclaimers are considered to be included by reference in this License, but only as regards disclaiming warranties: any other implication that these Warranty Disclaimers may have is void and has no effect on the meaning of this License.
> 本文档可以包含免责声明,将其置于说明了本许可证适用于本文档的声明之后。此类免责声明视为以 参考 的形式纳入本许可证中,且仅用于免除担保责任:该免责声明可能附带的其他任何意图都是无效的,且对本许可证的含义没有影响。

此处的“reference”是否是“引用”的意思?(https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/reference 6.The act of referring: a submitting for information or decision.)

7.

> You may copy and distribute the Document in any medium, either commercially or noncommercially, provided that this License, the copyright notices, and the license notice saying this License applies to the Document are reproduced in all copies, and that you add no other conditions whatsoever to those of this License. You may not use technical measures to obstruct or control the reading or further copying of the copies you make or distribute. However, you may accept compensation in exchange for copies. If you distribute a large enough number of copies you must also follow the conditions in section 3.
> 你可以在任何媒介复制和分发本文档,无论具有商业目的与否,前提是所有副本中都附带了本许可证、版权声明,以及说明了本许可证适用于本文档的许可证声明;同时你不得为本许可证所列条件附加其他任何条件。对于你制作或分发的副本,你不得使用技术措施对其阅读或进一步复制加以阻止或控制。但是,你可以 为分发副本接受补偿 。如果你分发的副本数量足够大,则你必须同时遵守第 3 节的条件。

加粗处译文是否和原意似乎有出入。原文“accept ... in exchange for copies”表达的意思应该是相当于对一次分发“要求补偿”,而我的理解中“接受补偿”也可以指代一些自愿的补偿(如打赏/捐款)而非是被要求的补偿。
不过“接受补偿”包括了“要求补偿”的情况,所以我也不确定此处是否需要修改。

8.

> If you publish printed copies (or copies in media that commonly have printed covers) of the Document, numbering more than 100, and the Document's license notice requires Cover Texts, you must enclose the copies in covers that carry, clearly and legibly, all these Cover Texts: Front-Cover Texts on the front cover, and Back-Cover Texts on the back cover. Both covers must also clearly and legibly identify you as the publisher of these copies. The front cover must present the full title with all words of the title equally prominent and visible. You may add other material on the covers in addition. Copying with changes limited to the covers, as long as they preserve the title of the Document and satisfy these conditions, can be treated as verbatim copying in other respects.
> 如果你出版本文档的印刷副本(或通常具有印刷封面的媒介中的副本),数量多于 100 份,且本文档的许可证声明要求存在封面文字,则你必须为副本附上封面,封面清晰直观地包含以下封面文字:前封面包含前封面文字,后封面包含后封面文字。前后封面必须同时清晰直观地将你标识为这些副本的出版商。前封面必须呈现完整的标题,标题中的每一个字都同等明显可见。你可以为封面附加其他材料。若在复制时仅对封面进行了修改,则只要本文档的标题得到保留,且这些条件已经满足,则此类复制可视为 另类 的大量复制。

“另类”在中文中似乎主要表示“与众不同、特殊”的含义。(现代汉语词典第七版也只有此释义)

9.

> You may add a section Entitled "Endorsements", provided it contains nothing but endorsements of your Modified Version by various parties— for example, statements of peer review or that the text has been approved by an organization as the authoritative definition of a standard.
> 你可以增加一个标题为“背书”的章节,前提是其只包含各方对你的修改版的背书, 而不包含其他内容——例如 ,同行评议陈述或说明了本文经某组织认证为某一标准的权威定义的陈述。

此处“例如……”可能会被混淆为对“其他内容”的举例。删去“而不包含其他内容”或许可以解决这个问题,而前面“只包含”已经蕴含了“不包含其他内容”。

10.

> You may add a passage of up to five words as a Front-Cover Text, and a passage of up to 25 words as a Back-Cover Text, to the end of the list of Cover Texts in the Modified Version. Only one passage of Front-Cover Text and one of Back-Cover Text may be added by (or through arrangements made by) any one entity. If the Document already includes a cover text for the same cover, previously added by you or by arrangement made by the same entity you are acting on behalf of, you may not add another; but you may replace the old one, on explicit permission from the previous publisher that added the old one.
> 你可以在该修改版的封面文字列表末尾,增加最多 5 个词的文段作为前封面文字,并增加最多 25 个词的文段作为后封面文字。任何一个实体只能增加或约定他方增加一段前封面文字以及一段后封面文字。如果本文档的同一封面已经包含一段封面文字,且该封面文字之前为你或你经约定而代表的同一实体所加,则你不得 另加之;但你若从 增加了旧封面文字 的先前出版商处得到了明确授权,则可以 替换旧封面文字

“另加之”可能会引起歧义:“之”被理解为指代“该封面文字”,而“另加之”理解为“重复添加该封面文字”。
“增加了旧封面文字”建议明确为“增加了某处旧封面文字”(或者其他类似表述),而“替换旧封面文字”可以明确为“替换该旧封面文字”(原文中使用了“the”表示这一点)。

11.

> The author(s) and publisher(s) of the Document do not by this License give permission to use their names for publicity for or to assert or imply endorsement of any Modified Version.
> 本文档的作者与出版商并未通过本许可证授权使用 其名称 来对任何修改版进行宣传或者为任何修改版主张或暗示背书。

此处“其名称”的“其”是否可能会引起歧义,让人理解为“其”指代“文档”?或许可以修改为“他们的名称”或者“他们的名字”?

12.

> You may not copy, modify, sublicense, or distribute the Document except as expressly provided under this License. Any attempt otherwise to copy, modify, sublicense, or distribute it is void, and will automatically terminate your rights under this License.
> 除非本许可证明确授权,你不得复制、修改、 分许可 或分发本文档。其他任何复制、修改、 分许可 或分发本文档的企图都是无效的,并将自动终止你通过本许可证获得的权利。

此处“sublicense”应为“再许可”之义。(https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/sublicense)

13.

> Termination of your rights under this section does not terminate the licenses of parties who have received copies or rights from you under this License. If your rights have been terminated and not permanently reinstated, receipt of a copy of some or all of the same material does not give you any rights to use it.
> 当你享有的权利在本节下被终止时,他方已经从你那通过本许可证获得的副本或权利的许可不会因此终止。如果你的权利已被终止且未被永久恢复,你无法通过接收同一材料之部分或全部的副本来获得 其其 使用权。

此处多了一个“其”。

14.

> "CC-BY-SA" means the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 license published by Creative Commons Corporation, a not-for-profit corporation with a principal place of business in San Francisco, California, as well as future copyleft versions of that license published by that same organization.
> “CC-BY-SA”指,由知识共享组织,一家在加利福尼亚州圣弗兰西斯科有主要 商业 场所的非营利性 公司 ,所发布的知识共享 署名—相同方式共享 3.0 许可证,以及同一组织发布的该许可证的后续 copyleft 版本。

中文“公司”似乎一般指企业。此处“corporation”建议使用“组织”,这也与“Creative Commons Corporation”的译文一致。
Business 除了商业、商务以外亦有其他含义。考虑到知识共享组织的性质,此处不建议翻译成“商业”,可以翻译成“业务”等(其实我感觉“业务”和“场所”搭配也不太好,但是目前还没想到更好的翻译。或许“活动场地”?好像也不太好。)。

祝好,
Hagb

郭俊余 <hagb>
Group Member
Sat 04 Mar 2023 01:22:30 PM UTC, comment #1: 

Hello, wxie:

Yes, I can review the new translation.

Could the deadline be set to April 18th? (because I am writing my graduation thesis)

Best regards,
Hagb

郭俊余 <hagb>
Group Member
Sat 04 Mar 2023 12:50:50 PM UTC, original submission:  

Hi, hagb:

Could you please help review the new translation of GNU FDL?
https://licenses.peaksol.org/fdlv1.3-zh.html

The old GNU FDL is at
http://www.thebigfly.com/gnu/FDLv1.3/

Let me know if you have questions.

best regards,
wxie

Wensheng XIE <wxie>
Group administrator

 

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